Day 56 - Pachinkremental
Idle Clicker, Short and Free, Nightmare Fuel ·
Skeeter’s Take:
So, I’ve recently restarted Elden Ring to work my way up to the DLC everyone is bitching about. I am hooked on that game again - it is a masterpiece. I wasn’t too excited to start it again, for whatever reason. Do you know that thing where you kind of feel like playing a game, but then you start thinking about it, and the more you keep thinking about it, the more you don’t want to play? It’s almost like you do a little “gameplay” preview in your mind’s eye and decide “naw, I think I’ll do something else. I’ve already ‘mind-played’ this game and got bored of it”. I wonder if there’s a phrase for that? Brain Demo? Third-Eye Trial? An Amygdala Assessment?
Anyway, I started up Elden Ring again after feeling lukewarm about it and I am now hooked again. I thought about it all day. I was so excited to get home and get my ass handed to me by some hulking creatures, and just sink my teeth back into some Elden Ring.
And then Sam sent me a link to Pachinkremental. Pachinkremental is a pachinko game clicker. You play pachinko, and the rewards at the bottom are points you can use to upgrade your board, by increasing your pachinko reward points, or your pachinko balls, or your score multiplier, etc. I personally raced to get the auto-drop upgrade so I didn’t have to do filthy manual labor, and then I started leveling up the basic upgrades. I had about had my fill of the game and figured I knew everything about it. I almost closed the window to start up the review, but I left it running to see what my score would end with.
Then I saw an upgrade appear for a bonus wheel appear:
That was interesting - something new had appeared and it was a bonus wheel spin. It even added little “spin” spaces to my pachinko board that would add a spin if the balls hit it. Then another upgrade appeared, this time for Gemstone Balls which all do their own various things, but generally greatly improve your score multipliers. They also have a smaller drop rate than the gold balls.
And then, just like that I was caught in a trance. I couldn’t stop upgrading and watching my now steady stream of pachinko balls bounce into progressively bigger and bigger scores.
It was around this time I also noticed there was an internal game timer as well:
Oh, what the fuck?
Over an hour and twenty minutes had just flashed before my eyes. Somehow Pachinkremental managed to hypnotize me. It pulled me out of my Elden Ring addled brain and pulled me in like no clicker game has before. Here I was, spending my day fantasizing about slaying giant monsters and grafted abominations. I ran my dodge timings for the boss I’m stuck on over and over again in my head. I thought about what stats I would level up next, and decided I’m probably going to prioritize Strength now as I found a giant hammer and want to be able to effectively wield it.
And then, in true Souls-like fashion, I was ambushed by the real boss - Pachinkremental.
Instead, I’m sitting here watching a river of multi-colored balls erratically bouncing off of gray dots in my web browser. I’m trying to decide if I should keep investing in the center slot value, or just focus on my Ruby Ball Rate since the buff it gives stacks now. I’m wondering if it’s better to invest in the wheel spin speed, or let the multiplier stack instead. On one hand, multipliers are king. On the other hand, the points are getting ridiculous in the wheel prizes, so maybe it would be worth investing in some speed.
This game shouldn’t be this addicting, but it is. This thing is nicotine. I’ve even had it running on my second monitor while writing this. Hell, I’m going to keep it on my second monitor while I play Elden Ring.
I can stop anytime I want.
Recommend: D.A.R.E. to be different! Say “NO” to drugs! (I love drugs, come do them with me. Here kid, try this Pachinkremental - it’s on the house.)
Replay Percentage Chance: !!!
Time Played:
Sam’s Take:
I’m not sure I have any endorsement quite as strong as “I stopped playing Elden Ring for this”, but I can show you this screenshot:
Holy SHIT dude. LOOK HOW MUCH SHIT IS GOIN ON! You want in on this dontcha? Yea yea I see you there, wondering what the beachball does. Guess what bozo? I ALSO DON’T KNOW WHAT IT DOES!
We’ve played many idle clickers when we last did this review series, and let me tell ya, there are only two things that separate the chickens from the REAL FUCKERS: Constant things to click on, and a whole lot of bright-ass colors, and Pachinkermental Microsoft Excels on both fronts.
And the best part? The game has an honest to God ending! You can stop! No dumbass prestige mode to keep you drip fed on delicious doses of dopamine, get in there, get your ape-brain clickies out of your system for a while, then go about your day.
Pachinkremental is a REAL FUCKER and I played it for four hours HELP ME GOD.
Set me freeeee why don’t cha baaabe
GET OUT OF MY LIFE why don’t cha baaabe
‘Cause you don’t really loooove meeeee
You just KEEP ME HANGIN’ OOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Recommend: There’s a second board after you max out the first one fuuuuuuu
Replay Percentage Chance: 26%
Time Played:
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