Day 4 - Pig
Walking Sim, WTF, Pig Game ·
Skeeter’s Take:
I wake up on a farm in Minecraft land. Pink pig monsters gawk absentmindedly into the void beyond the fences. I have a staring contest and lose with every one of them. I find a small defect in the fence, and make a hole. The hole leads to the edge of Flat Earth (confirmed). Suddenly, Minecraft Steve and his Army brothers capture me and take me to the Pig Factory. I wake up, realizing it’s all a dream only to repeat the same day like that Bill Murray movie, “Garfield”.
This is certainly the most avant garde interpretation of George Orwell’s Animal Farm I’ve ever seen. My only question is - what am I? Here’s my shadow:
Am I pig, or am I D20? My crit is vital My numbers are cold And I’m rolling across the table Looking for the answer Am I pig, or am I D20?
P.S. Sam just informed me there were other endings than the Pig Factory Dream
Recommend: It’s like eating water flavored chips
Replay Percentage Chance: 2%
Time Played: 5 minutes
Sam’s Take:
What the fuck is wrong with me.
I used to be able to call a game bad ya know, way back when? Before the smog and the kids with their phones? I used to be a real gamer, the kind that could kick back, pop open a fresh cold case of MTN Dew Code Red and clown on some fuckin flash garbage.
But now. Psh. Now. Now I play Pig. Fucking Pig. A game where I could clip through any wall by jumping at it. A game with no mechanic other than text screens and walking. A game that has almost no visual style other than Unity Engine lighting(tm). A game where pressing fullscreen just fills your screen with more black space instead of actually making your screen bigger.
I could have torn this thing apart. Maybe I should have.
But unlike Skeeter, I walked by the enemies (they are stationary, so Skeeter is a FAKE GAMER CONFIRMED), and I got to see the rocket ending. I flew the rocket, went outside, then a line of text appeared that informed me that I died from walking outside without a spacesuit. Then… I giggled. I FUCKING GIGGLED.
Then I checked why this game was made. It was made in a beginner friendly game jam called the “Curdle Jam”. On the about page for said Jam it reads,
“See the jam through to the end even if it doesn’t go well. Make something, and submit it, no matter what it is. The commitment to submission is important, and it teaches you a lot. Give yourself a small, achievable, scope. Make something very simple with only a few mechanics. It is a better and more rewarding experience to have a tiny demo that feels complete, than to have an over-ambitious, incomplete mess.”
You know what I said? I said “aww that’s nice”. Can you fucking believe that? “Aww that’s nice”?! Like a god-damned kindergarten teacher.
Obviously this is the worst game we’ve played so far. I know I had some criticism of Dissolution yesterday, but that’s only because that’s a very good game that I believe could be pushed into cult-masterpiece status with a little work. This game doesn’t come close to that obviously, but someone learned Unity. Someone figured out the lighting and got shadows to work. Someone figured out how to transition screens when you walk to the edge. Someone figured out how to trigger events on button presses.
Is this different from our Newgrounds games? Those were also people learning to make games, but they felt so much more isolated, coated in a who-cares everything-proof shield of irony. All these game jam games we’ve been playing have this disgusting sincerity. Have free games changed?
Have I changed?
Have I escaped from the pen of cynicism?
While writing this, Skeeter reminded me that we played a game about 9/11 with a screen the size of a playing card, so actually games have changed and I’m still a fuckin’ 100% MTN DEW GAMER LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Recommend: No
Replay Percentage Chance: Only if it’d be REALLY funny%
Time Played: 12 mins
Random Review