Day 169 - House of Celestina

Skeeter’s Take:

I found that Crazy Games website yesterday when I searched “Spooky Clowns Scare Me Online Game Free” into a search engine and it pulled up Slenderclown: Be Afraid of It.

This website seems to be a good way to search for silly games and it’s something different than itch.io that we have been leaning heavily on, but it does appear the site largely re-hosts games from elsewhere on the web. I will try to find the original sources if possible (It’s pretty difficult - yesterday Slenderclown was hosted on 100 other sketchy sites, so we linked the crazygames version). I was able to find the newgrounds link to House of Celestina, and I’m hoping that’s the original, but I have no way to guarantee it is. I just wanted to give you some transparency - I will try to find the original creators if possible.

House of Celestina seems like it was created by someone who has watched somebody else play a horror game, but has never experienced one themselves. In House of Celestina, the player walks around a dark wooden confusing amalgamation of wooden hallways. The player is supposed to search for a key that unlocks the next area. Occasionally a scary lady named “Celestina” will appear and try to attack the player. The player is expected to rapidly mash space to escape the monster, but the “Blood Pressure” bar always started way too high for me resulting in insta-loss anytime I was randomly assaulted:

I couldn’t find any rhyme or reason to these attacks. They seemingly happened at random. There is very little warning or time to prepare.

I’m playing through the Silent Hill 2 Remake right now and notes are a huge part of finding clues and fleshing out the characters/storytelling.

Here’s an example:

Clearly, there’s a math equation puzzle hidden in the note, but that never stops the person who allegedly wrote it from having some sort of “voice” or allusion to a character. Obviously, this is not a note someone would realistically write - but it’s at least trying to pretend like it is one.

Yes, I know I’m comparing a AAA game to a web-browser jumpscare-based horror game most likely coded by a teenager. Is that fair? No. But I do hope it helps illustrate my point!

Here’s a note from House of Celestina - while I don’t want to subtract any imaginary points for a bad translation - it does make for a pretty funny read:

I felt like it was only appropriate to leave John a note from myself.

Hi John! This is the man currently trapped in the House of Celestina! Just writing you back. I’m curious how you are writing this note if you are the first victim of Celestina? Wouldn’t that make you already dead? Or is the curse that you are just trapped here, forced to write letters explaining exactly how to escape the house. Should I even trust your judgment? Sure, it seems like those are the correct instructions on how to leave (what would I know), but you never escaped and I have no frame of reference. I appreciate the nice letter, John! However, I feel like your clues may be bad/misleading considering you are trapped/dead. It’s been nice talking with you, though! I wish you the best through your troubling time with Celestina and I hope this finds you well.

Love, always!

XO XO XO

Skeeter

I’ll be honest folks - I only made it to the second room before I gave up on House of Celestina. In the first room, the key to open the second room spawns in (from what I can tell) 3 different locations.

The game claims to have puzzles, but I think the puzzles are just finding where the key was left this time. I am not sure - maybe there are actual puzzles later. I wouldn’t know, because by the time I would grab the key and unlock the second room, Celestina would be on me like she was trying to give me Leech Therapy for all my brain demons and I would die and have to restart the whole key searching process again.

I don’t know if I’m just bad at the game, or if it really is that difficult to escape Celestina, but she would kill me everytime making it near impossible for me to proceed.

And the worst part? I’m not even Be Afraid of It.

Recommend: No

Replay Percentage Chance: 0% but there is a sequel we might have to try…

Time Played: 10 Minutes

Sam’s Take:

I’m not sure how I’m supposed to die in this game. Like, I know not pressing space kills you, I mean that I’m not sure how the developer expects the player to be killed. If the monster catches you, just press space and you’re fine. There is no danger at all in this game, and so it just turns into a game where you walk around a hallway and look for keys. Sure there are monster jumpscares, but with no possibility of death, what exactly are we doing here?

Maybe if there was atmosphere that’d be something, but it’s all wood walls, floors, ceilings, and… that’s it. Oh! Except this painting:

Sorry, I just spoiled the most interesting thing in the game! My bad!

Recommend: Hell Nah

Replay Percentage Chance: 0%

Time Played: 10 Minutes

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