Day 139 - Balls
Nightmare Fuel, Shitpost, WTF ·
Skeeter’s Take:
“Balls.” is more than just an assault on all 6 of the senses - it’s a goddamn war.
Here’s the main menu to Balls. Sorry to get your hopes up, but this is not the main menu for the Cruelty Squad sequel:
The first thing you’ll probably notice upon launching Balls is the extremely loud midi-siren that blares endlessly throughout the main menu. It’s distorted, loud and extremely unpleasant. I think I sort of know how my dog felt that time I was at work and the fire alarm had been chirping it’s “low battery” reminder at her all day. We’ve played a lot of loud=funny games before, but this sound was one of the most grating I’ve come across.
I’d also like to draw special attention to Jailhouse Rock Era Elvis Presley stretched out and looking like a fucked up mixture of Gumby and a drawing from the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark series:
If you look closely there is also a “Last Score” counter in one of the Orb man’s faces:
And who could forget Lucas Arts’ media darling: Facepalm Stormtrooper!
One might expect that clicking on the “Options” button would naturally bring up the options. Balls had other ideas in mind:
![Yes, you can click on the little faces. No, they don’t do anything. [SAM NOTE: THIS IS FALSE, THEY CHANGE WHAT YOUR BALL LOOKS LIKE IN THE GAME]](https://github.com/flash-forward-reviews/img2/blob/main/img/balls7.png?raw=true)
You can also press the play button, though I really wouldn’t recommend it. If you are brave enough, you’ll be met with the following scene:
I mean, I like looking at Kenan and Kel in Good Burger as much as the next patrician individual, but I could do without the flying Elvis Gumby’s and their stretched out anime hands, or the rolling head ball that the player can barely control (feels like it’s floating through ice). The fire is rad. I’d keep the fire.
I’ve provided a visual example of how I feel the game could be improved:
Recommend: Balls
Replay Percentage Chance: No
Time Played: Played: 3 minutes
Sam’s Take:
If you roll to this corner and shoot at a downwards 15 degree angle or so, you can shoot forever and get infinite health and score.
Honestly, Balls is almost good. I think Skeeter’s Cruelty Squad comparison is fairly apt. I also found myself musing on the musical stylings of Lil Texas.
The aesthetic of this game is like… uncanny valley satanic panic, which kind of rules. The thing that separates Balls from these other works though is that Cruelty Squad is a functional immersive sim and Lil Texas, for all the noise he makes, is doing everything with precise, sadistic intent. Balls on the other hand, feels undercooked in its execution. The fact that I found an infinite score spot in one minute really brings this down from “purposeful uggo-art” to “slapped together shitpost”. It’s a shame, because the cacophony of sound combined with the horrid sunburnt color palette really evoke something primal and disturbed in me.
I think I praised this a bit too much. It’s not good, and most of the weird aesthetic might be an accident, but I encourage some designer to play this and turn it into something sick. What a strange game.
Recommend: Only if you want to create the next Cruelty Squad
Replay Percentage Chance: 1%
Time Played: 2 Minutes
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