Day 122 - Crime Kitchen
Immersive Sim, WTF, STONKS ·
Sam’s Take:
I have no idea what’s going on in Crime Kitchen. Not a single clue. I join the server and a chair in the back lights up. I run to it and see this message:
15 seconds on the job, and I’m already in charge, and I must say that my avatar looks quite dashing in his suit.
As manager I have a few powers, but only one of them matters:
I don’t see rats right away when I press this button, but after exploring outside a bit I find them.
As any good manager would do, I opened the door to allow our new patrons into the restaurant proper.
As I initiated rat-based chaos, employees threw lettuce around while either npcs or roleplaying humans sat at tables. There was a money counter at the top of my screen, yet I have no idea how to make it move. I went down to the sewers at one point only to get mobbed by aliens.
No idea what was going on there. There was a shop where I could spend the money I didn’t know how to make on items of an unknown function. There was an employee of the day. I did not choose them, yet I must still play the part of a proud manager.
I do not know if this is a traditional game that I misunderstood, or a roleplay server that no one was taking seriously. I don’t know why there was a stock market on the wall. I don’t know how to find out what patrons want. I don’t know how to make food. I don’t know how to serve food. I don’t know why nobody but me took the manager role. I don’t know how rats or aliens factor into any of this.
I don’t know what Crime Kitchen is. This is normal before I start a game, but it’s a pretty rare feeling AFTER playing the game. I’m not sure I can even truly recommend or not recommend it. It’s like I got an alien device that lights up in different ways when I touch it. There’s a liquid in there that may be for eating or cleaning. It bounces when I drop it. I can see it doing things, but I don’t know the purpose. Then Tom’s Hardware says they’ll pay me $200 to do a tech review of it.
I am a monkey staring at a monolith. I am again a child in a brand new world. I am many things today, but unfortunately there is only one thing I can’t be when it comes to Crime Kitchen.
I can not be a game critic.
Recommend: N/A
Replay Percentage Chance: N/A
Time Played: Not long enough I guess
Skeeter’s Take:
I am happy to report my interview went well last week. They called me back and asked me to start today! I am a bit excited, but also very nervous. I haven’t had a job in a while, not since I got fired from my car washing job in high school for “breaking too many windshields”. Needless to say, I was probably going to be a bit rusty, but at least me and the hamster I found living in the vents of the house I’m squatting in will be able to eat. I guess I am more excited about the prospect of having money than I am actually working, but it’s a step in the right direction!
I show up to the restaurant and it is clear they need the help. It’s pandemonium. People are running around seemingly without reason or any tasks to complete. One guy lights himself on fire and proceeds to fall to pieces in front of me.
This is not a great omen to be welcomed by on my first day, but I tighten up my belt and get ready for some work.
They give me zero training and send me straight back to the kitchen. I have never worked in a kitchen before and am not really sure what we make here. However, I want to be a good employee and I try my best to make it look like I know what I’m doing and try to stay busy:
I find some lids and straws sitting on a nearby counter. I begin to pull each lid out one by one. As I do, there is a numerical counter of how many lids we have left. Again, I’m not really sure how a kitchen runs, but I assume I must deplete this number before my shift is over. I roll up my sleeves and start yanking.
Things were going well and I was having a relatively easy time with my self-imposed task. Sure I would have to move some lids onto the floor to make room for more lids, but the work was generally easy and I was enjoying doing it. Perhaps there is a career for me here after all! Being content is about all I could ask for.
I’m about halfway through my lid removal task when some of my co-workers come over and start messing everything up:
It’s clear these two weirdos have never worked in a kitchen either. They started frantically pulling from my ever-growing pile of lids and started affixing them to red plastic cups! I was angry. Here I am trying to prove my worth at this company only to have some lackadaisical nincompoops come over and ruin it with their grubby paws.
No, Skeeter. It’s not your job to punish them. That is for the manager to do. You must focus on the task at hand!
I returned to my lid removal task, ignoring my idiot coworkers who had abandoned putting lids on cups in order to frantically jump up and down in front of me, desperately trying to get my attention.
I had no time for play. I came here to work, not talk with my coworkers. I keep yanking lids and tossing them around until finally:
I had completed my task and was patiently awaiting my payment. And I kept waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.
And I never got paid!I figured perhaps my shift wasn’t over and maybe I still had some other tasks to do. That’s when it dawned on me. My coworkers weren’t being dumb. They were trying to tell me something. They were trying to tell me I had to also remove all the red cups from their holding sleeve!
With a newfound sense of purpose (and a strong sense that surely this was my last task before payment), I started pulling the cups out of their holder. The red plastic started to pile up upon the skeleton graveyard of cup lids:
I was tired by this point. I had already put in a good 5 minutes of work. I searched deep within myself to harness every last ounce of power I had left and started flying on removing the cups. I was going so fast a promotion was almost guaranteed.
But my speediness was also my downfall. I was creating a tremendous amount of friction with the sheer speed I was using to pull these cups from their container. And we all know what friction leads to…
HEAT.
Or in this case: FIERY EXPLOSION
And thus, as I stood there atop the melting plastic cups and lids, burning like a self-immolating monk. My first day on the job had become my last day of life.
Recommend: I too have no idea what this game is. A tutorial might have gone a loooong way
Replay Percentage Chance: 5%
Time Played: 10 minutes
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