Day 93 - What If They Kissed

Rhythm Game, Arcade, Nudity · 01 Aug 2024

Skeeter’s Take:

Hello, I am very excited to share with you all a sneak peak into a very special game that has yet to be seen by the public - this is an exclusive first look privy only to the bloggers here at Flash Forward Reviews.

Welcome to “What if they kissed…?”! Take on the role of local disgruntled horny man “Brett” as he comes to terms with his budding sexuality and exploding heart:

Disclaimer: I don’t know his real name, so I’m calling him Brett. He looks like a Brett.

Brett likes kissing, but he doesn’t like talking. To avoid having a human conversation after any amount of sexual deviance, Brett puts his phone away and finds a couple slugs on the rainy sidewalk in front of him.

Brett proceeds to explore his wildest fantasies in a way only a psychopath would: by commiting sexual assault on 2 gastropods by forcing them to kiss.

Brett must use the power of QUICK TIME EVENTS to steady his hands and line up the perfect kiss. If he misses one lettered-leaf, his hand will waver causing his slugs and their forced kiss to unalign - this is a travesty for Brett. The kiss must be perfect.

Success!

Thank you for joining us for this very special preview! From the creator of such hits as “Heavy Rain” and “The Indigo Prophecy”, David Cage once again invites you into a world filled with complicated characters, social prejudices, quick time events, and kissing slugs.
Dive into the twisted world “What if they kissed…?” - Available now in stores! Only on Playstation 2!

Recommend: Naw - I like the art and the intro video, but the gameplay itself is pretty simplistic and it doesn’t really interest me. Yes, this is another Game Jam submission, so I’m not holding that against the dev team or saying the game is bad. I just don’t find “Mavis Beacon teaches single-letter finger-poke typing” all that exhilarating, ok? OK? IT’S JUST MY OPINION I’M SORRY I DON’T WANT TO BE MEAN - GOOD WORK ON THIS - NICE JOB, TEAM!

Replay Percentage Chance: 10%

Time Played: 10 minutes (I kept missing one letter and needed the 100% screenshot)

Sam’s Take:

I think I’ve stumbled into two separate instances of accidental thievery today. What if They Kissed is remarkably similar to another game we played in our last review series, How Do You Do It.

Both have a young protagonist coming to terms with their sexuality by picking two things up and shoving them together. Both even have controls unique to each hand.

Now I’m absolutely willing to believe that What if they Kissed did not purposefully copy How Do You Do It. Pushing two things together to try and comprehend the strange desires our parents won’t tell us about is a universal-enough thing to do. Even if you never did it as a kid, you certainly AT LEAST thought about it. It’s very possible both creators remembered an awkward moment in their lives where they did this and thought of a funny little game idea. No harm done.

The problem for What if they Kissed is that it gets DESTROYED by How Do You Do It. First of all, How Do You Do It is a funnier name. Second, making Ken and Barbie ragdoll around is just more entertaining than slowtime Guitar Hero. Lastly, How Do You Do It has unique details that bring an uncomfortable reality to the situation, like the fact that our main character had their awakening watching Titanic:

The opening of What if they Kissed having our character getting a text with a heart emoji just doesn’t quite hit that same level of specificity.

So I’m sorry What if they Kissed. Your art is cute, but most likely unbeknownst to you, the game you wanted to make already existed and it literally slaps.

Now you eagle-eyed readers may have noticed I opened this review by saying “I think I’ve stumbled into two separate instances of accidental thievery today”, what is the second instance you ask?

WELL LET’S HAVE A LOOK AT THE COMMENT SECTION FOR THIS GAME: