Day 78 - Bread
Nightmare Fuel, WTF, Short and Free ·
Sam’s Take:
You click the link. You press play. The gut-wrenching screech of a bread who’s lost his children pierces your eardrums.
The bread screams as the crow flies. You must not touch the crow; it hungers for the flesh of bread. Your little bread-babies smile, knowing that rescue is at hand. They are not old enough to perceive the danger.
The instructions say “If you reach 100 Baby Breads you win!”. This objective has never been completed. The crows multiply. They spawn on the bread, they take over your screen and fill it with the red of deep blood. A message reads “You Lose”. This is unnecessary, winning was never a possibility. We knew the game was never going to be good, but we had to give it a chance, let it have its last words before we put it six feet under.
Maybe crows kill Bread without lookin’ it in the eye, but I ain’t a bird, dig?
You got your last playthrough Bread.
Sorry you got twisted up in our review site.
From where you’re laying down, it must seem like a whole-grain run of bad luck.
Truth is…
The game was shit from the start.
Recommend: BANG (no)
Replay Percentage Chance: 0%
Time Played: 10 Minutes
Skeeter’s Take:
Bread fell a little flatbread for me. At first the prospect of playing as bread outrunning crows seemed promising, but as the game went on, it soured, dough. The static crow photos spawn too quickly for the player to have any real chance at winning the biscuits. My high score was like 15 and the game says you win at 100 - I’m not doing that, and furthermore, I don’t recommend you do it either. By far, the best part about this game was the blood-curdling scream coming from the bread father that reverberates your eardrums each time you reload the game. I should probably stop giving bonus points each time a game features a sound clip of a guy challah-ring, but I won’t, I love that shit (go play Mammoth Hunting).
I’m just beating around the flour, water, sugar, and yeast mixture now - Bread gave me a gluten intolerance.
Pumpernickel.
Recommend: Irish NOda Bread
Replay Percentage Chance: Gluten-Free Bread
Time Played: Multigrain Bread
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