Day 63 - Married in Red
Point and Click, Creepypasta, Sorry Skeeter ·
Skeeter’s Take:
It’s been 45 minutes, and I’ve re-walked every one of the 5 accessible rooms, talked with every person I could, exhausted every dialogue option I could with the bride and groom, and inspected every fountain, pet every dog, and looked at every coat rack - I still don’t know where the hell the kitchen is, which wouldn’t be a huge deal if it wasn’t the second objective the game gives you to progress:
I’m sure I’m missing something obvious, and I’m sure Sam will make fun of me for missing something obvious as I tend to do, but I’m losing my mind and I don’t think playing more of this game is good for my IRL sanity meter. My experience with this game has felt like someone released 2 hogs into aj forest, wrote the numbers “1” and “3” on them, and told me to go find three hogs.
This game could be amazing for all I know. I don’t want to disparage Married in Red because I don’t think it’s the game’s fault I can’t find the stupid kitchen. See, Sam mentioned something about saving often, so he must have found the kitchen and progressed to a point in the game where saving is necessary, and I’m almost positive it’s just my dumbass overlooking a small detail. But that’s the thing - I can’t find the kitchen, so I can’t progress. I don’t even feel like I can really review Married in Red as I didn’t even really get to play Married in Red (unless the whole joke is that the kitchen never really existed). Like I said, I’m sure it’s a “Me” problem but SOS I AM LOSING MY MIND! IS IT THE LOCKED DOOR? DO I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE FIRST? WHAT AM I MISSING! WHY AM I SAVING SO OFTEN? I AM JUST WALKING AROUND THE SAME 6 ROOMS TALKING TO THE SAME PEOPLE WHO SAY THE SAME THINGS. THIS IS THE WORST VERSION OF THAT BILL MURRAY MOVIE WHERE HE REPEATS THE SAME DAY - GARFIELD. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Recommend: Get me pictures of the Kitchen!
Replay Percentage Chance: Kitchen
Time Played:
Sam’s Take:
Look… I’ve done so many insult Skeeter posts at this point… but I kinda feel for the guy this time. Let’s just get the facts out there. No being mean, not implying anything, just a simple truth: the kitchen is not hard to find. It’s two doors to the right of where you start.
Now it’s easy to make fun of him here. There are maybe seven or eight screens in this whole game, and Skeeter spent fifty minutes looking for one of them. This is so funny, and I want to destroy him, but let’s look at this a different way. Skeeter couldn’t find a room, and instead of giving up, spent 50 minutes actively searching and sending me frantic angry Discord messages. This is dedication folks. Skeeter has written a review a day for sixty-two days and STILL has the energy to make zero progress for almost an hour. God Bless you Skeeter. So in his honor, I will write a normal review of Married in Red without ever once calling Skeeter a fake gamer.
With that out of the way, on to the review proper.
Married in Red is a short point and click adventure about a woman named Bok-su visiting her old college friend on her wedding day. The game starts with a small bit of intrigue with the bride clearly not wanting you there:
This builds up for about five minutes of pointing and clicking before you invite the groom into a private room and stab him. While he dies you explain to him that you killed him because the bride (Da-jeong) blamed you for a medical mistake that forced you to drop out of school.
From here the game goes into a darker fantasy of being fake ga- umm I mean - hiding the body and trying to accuse Da-jeong of not finding the kitchen for 50 minutes.
The idea is kind of neat, I like how early the twist comes so that the second half of the game can be devoted to making fun of Skeeter, but the game is bogged down by overly edgy dialogue, and the classic point and click issue of “the only way forward is the exact insane thread of logic that game’s creator came up with”.
This game wants to be tough and cool, but Skeeter seriously walking in circles for fifty minutes holy shit what the hell in the style of a point and click leans more into comedy in my opinion. It needs one more ingredient to spice it up. Really solid writing could make it work as a visual novel, multiple ways of framing your ex-friend could lead to some clever “find the different endings” style design, even a darkly comedic tone could make this at least a little fun. As it is now, it’s a bit to joyless and SKEETER IS A FAKE GAMER FAKE FAKE GAMER ALERT WEEEOOO WEEEOEOO IT’S TWO ROOMS TO THE RIGHT WHAT THE HELL MAN, JESUS CAN YOU EVEN FIND YOUR BOOTY IN UR OWN PANTALOONS YOU FAKE-ASS GAMER ROFLROFLROFL XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD
Recommend: No
Replay Percentage Chance: FakeGamer%
Time Played: 30 Minutes
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