Day 364 - The Witcher 2

WTF, Short and Free, Transplant · 29 Apr 2025

Skeeter’s Take:

For the penultimate day, I wanted to bring it back home to Newgrounds. Coincidentally, Whicher 2 was a Flash Forward 2025 submission, so that’s a neat tie in as well.

The Whicher 2 is fascinating as it has all the makings of a classic Newgrounds flash game where it’s mostly animation tied together by a few player choices. However, it differs in the aspect that there is some serious effort and love put into The Whicher 2, and it made me laugh on multiple occasions. The damn thing is voice acted! Every character! And it’s not just one guy doing all the silly voices! It’s crazy, man.

Outside of being the dev of this game, I do not know who Joeyag is. Yet, I do know that they must be a huge fan of the Witcher series as they know every intimate detail, annoyance, and logic-leap the games have. Whicher 2 makes jokes that land, but the jokes are made for someone who has played the series, ultimately.

While not all of the jokes worked for me…

Others absolutely had me laughing. One of my favorite examples is actually the first quest. Ciri or Aleksa, or whatever she’s called in this game (I’m just going to call her Ciri) is down south. Whicher’s mission (I’m just going to call him Geralt) is to reach Ciri, and protect her or something. This is shown through traveling overworld map icons and a funny Geralt running animation. In the first town Geralt stops at, he finds an old lady who wants him to go pick berries for a pie. If you refuse, she tells him she’s cursed and needs them to ward off the curse, otherwise she transforms into a monster.

This is classic Witcher shit - 10/10.

Nothing like helping an old lady reunite with her frying pan

You can also just accept her quest and never find any of this out (yes, I played this twice), which is a nice touch. Anyway, Geralt mentions it being a “little bit far” and that he’ll need to ride a boat down the river to find them.

What I was assuming to happen was a short little boat ride. What proceeded to happen was an excruciatingly long expedition North - the opposite direction of Ciri - to an entirely different land.

And you know, what? I laughed. This is the authentic open world experience, it’s just displayed to us on rails here.

After talking to one of the residents of Gilden, Geralt runs out to find the mythical berries. Finally, after the long expedition, Geralt comes across the berries and the player helps him pick them one by one. Geralt proceeds to eat the berries and mutters “Delicious” after each one.

And you know what? I laughed.

Another joke I liked was the hungry kid with a single loaf of bread who was begging for food, and the player is given the option to have Geralt respond with either “Get a Job you lazy Cunt” or “Give Food”.

When I clicked the “Give Food” option, Geralt growled out “Give Food”, and the child begged him not to take his last loaf. Geralt pressures him into giving him his last loaf of bread by repeating “Give Food”. When the child finally gives it up(editing skeeter here, I feel I need to clarify it is the bread he gives up. Have a nice night.) Geralt immediately devours it and proclaims…

And you know what? I laughed.

Some other jokes I enjoyed:

The stat screen with a plethora of options and only 2 stat points

Geralt becoming a roadie and questioning electricity:

And when Geralt met the Dark Army, I had him just tell the truth about his intentions to rescue Ciri, which resulted in his capture. Tossed into an arena and facing a Ulta-Lagartox or something, I must choose for Geralt - Use the magical bow he obtained earlier to kill the monster with one hit?

Or join the Dark Army and get sick Shwag?

You already know what I chose:

The real ending of this game probably got my biggest laugh, but I don’t want to spoil it, and it would be hard to set up and do justice here. Yes, the puzzle right before it is kind of annoying, but I promise it’s worth pushing through if you get to that point. Whicher 2.

Recommend: And you know what? I laughed. Yes.

Replay Percentage Chance: -0/0% chance

Time Played: I have no idea