Day 29 - Saloon 'Butch Cassidy'

WTF, Immersive Sim, Shitpost · 29 May 2024

Skeeter’s Take:

Well, howdy there partner! You just blow into town? I see! Allow me to be the first rootin’ tootin’ authentic bone-a-fide cowboy to introduce you to our fine saloon here. We call it Saloon “Butch Cassidy”! Oh, don’t tell me you don’t know the famous outlaw Butch Cassidy? One of the most feared bandits this side of the Mississippi, yes indeed. You really haven’t heard of ol’ Cassidy? You must be new here, would explain the funny clothes! You can put your weary heart to rest, stranger. Butch ain’t here! He ain’t been here in a while. In fact, ain’t no one here! It’s kind of our selling point. Quietest place in the West. The “Oasis of Silence” they call it. Ain’t a soul around here except you and me! Don’t believe me? Well, head on inside and take a look! You’ll have to climb up that broken wagon, jump to the ledge of the deck, and climb over the railing. That should get you in! The front swinging doors? Oh, yeah, we nailed those shut - too noisy. Oasis of Silence!

Are you in there yet, stranger? I didn’t think you were going to make that jump! Looked like a hog trying to holler at a bull trying to climb up there, yessir. Don’t keep me in suspense, tell me what you see in there!

That’s right. Take it all in, stranger. Stillness. Nothingness. Absence. It is perfection. It is the Saloon “Butch Cassidy”. Just look - where a piano player would normally sit, playing a nice ragtime tune? NOTHING. We even took the strings out of the piano just to be safe. See those chairs and tables? Empty. Sit anywhere you want! The world - sorry - the saloon is your oyster! Don’t you worry stranger, I can tell you’re a rough and tumble man looking to wet his whistle. Allow me to introduce you to the cream of the crop of this here humble saloon: The bartender-less bar! That’s right, no waiting for some poor sod who would rather make small talk than pour your drink! No need to pay or even tip, you call the shots (and pour them)! There’s nobody to cut you off either. Plus, stranger, there isn’t much else to do here in this ol’ town seeing as this is the only building in it, and I don’t know if you noticed, but we are an awful long way from the prairie! Are you having fun yet, stranger? No!? You mean to tell me you aren’t enjoying yourself in the quietest, emptiest, librarian-tootenist saloon in the whole wide wiki-wiki wild West!? You want out? Well, here’s the thing stranger. I haven’t been completely honest with my intentions. You see, long long time ago when I was just a young whippoorwill like yourself, I wandered into this here town myself. Wouldn’t you know it, I happened to run into a man named Butch Cassidy. Ever heard of him? Oh, that’s right. Anywho, here was this hardened criminal out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by no one. Just isolated. The sun had cracked his lips, and he had a leathery sun tan the color of cow hide. He seemed tired, weary almost. He perked right up when I came riding up to him. Told me his tale. Told me about his last job. How he scored big - a deed to a saloon. He was fixin’ to invest all his money into this saloon and retire from a life of crime. You know, go straight. He told me he hadn’t seen a soul in years, that the place was doomed to fail. He was practically on his hands and knees begging me to take it from him. “No charge, stranger! Completely free! I am giving this to you! Please! I can’t do this anymore.” Wish I had been a wiser man back then. I told him I would check it out first. After all, I am the kind to look a gift saloon in its swinging doors, yessir!
So, I climbed up into the upper floor door, and observed an empty saloon. Butch laughed at me, yes he did. “You fool!” he coughed out “This here is a cursed Saloon! Some sort of magic affects this place - it was built on hallowed ground! I was unable to leave for years, spiritually tethered to this place. Look around! Nothing! The boredom near drove me mad. The deed - it’s in that saloon somewhere. You’ll find it, I’m sure. Read it - it will tell you the details. The only way out is to get someone else in! Someone must shoulder the punishment of this place, it cannot be without a sacrifice. I tell you this as a thank you gift for getting me out of here! Hope will save you from ultimate boredom! Hope will save you from the madness of nothingness! Keep hope that you will find someone to replace you, otherwise this place will drive you batty. Thanks for the horse, bozo!” And he rode off into the endless sea of sand, that he did.

Is it making sense now, stranger? Aw, shucks, don’t get mad. I hate to have to do it, but it’s either you, or me and no offense but I have more than served my time. Feel bad I have to do this though. Read the deed - it will all make sense! I wrote it on the floor boards so I wouldn’t forget. Oh, and thanks for the horse, bozo!”

You turn around to examine the deed scratched into the floorboards