Day 281 - BLUEJEWELED
Puzzle, Shitpost, My Ears Are Bleeding ·
Skeeter’s Take:
Have you ever had the desire to play Bejeweled with only Blue? Well, look no further than BLUEJEWELED:
Not so fast, you lil’ rascal! I know you want to move one blue diamond and watch the entire board explode with cool flashes and numbers, but I need to give you some quick advice before venturing further into the Blue.
You see that little “menu” button in the bottom left? You’re going to want to give that a smash real quick, find the “sound” bar, and turn that down to about 1%.
I only recommend this for the sake of your ears. If you’ve been to a few punk concerts and stood right up against the speakers, you’re hearing is already fucked so you might be fine. However, it is extremely clear that Bejeweled was not designed or prepared to handle an entire screen of Blue diamonds scoring at once, because the following screen is accompanied by the loudest simultaneous lightning sounds all crashing against each other:
And it’s fucking glorious. I don’t know - this is hitting that same area of the brain that “awesome calculator” did. It’s stupid, simple, but god damn does it make me laugh.
What’s strange is the next level will start out like a normal Bejeweled stage, but then proceed to only drop Blue:
Not a fan of Eiffel 65’s 1998 hit “Blue”? Do not da-buh-dee-da-buh-dy my friend! You can always play the “Speed” mode which is just normal time trial Bejeweled!
This game has it all!
Perhaps my favorite feature is the title that has clearly been hodged-podged together from the regular Bejeweled logo:
Shout out krystalcoconut
Recommend: Yes
Replay Percentage Chance: yo listen up
Time Played: here’s a story about a little guy that lives in a bluejeweled world
Sam’s Take:
Bluejeweled is the good kind of joke that took actual effort to make. It basically functions as a puzzle game where the puzzle is “what thing is going to make me deaf in this level?”. In level 1 the whole screen is blue jems, so an immediate stacking of 80000000000000 explosion sound effects get layered on top of each other. There’s one level where the board looks normal, but every jewel you move turns blue. There’s another where simply running your mouse over a jewel turns it blue.
This game feels like revenge to me, like someone got out of a ten year Bejeweled addiction-hole and needed to destroy it from the inside. I don’t know how they were able to decompile the code to Bejewled 3 (or whatever the fuck they did to make this game), but I’m glad they are using their powers for good. Also favorite gem color blue:
Recommend: Yes
Replay Percentage Chance: 3%
Time Played: 15 Minutes
Random Review