Day 276 - Ball Blast (NSFW)
Nightmare Fuel, Shooter, Nudity ·
Skeeter’s Take:
Listen, the cat’s out of the bag folks. We managed to avoid the porn games for around 270 days, but eventually we were going to have to address them. The last project we undertook largely circled around Newgrounds games, and, it being Newgrounds, we ended up stumbling into the Adult games eventually. For Flash Forward, Itch.io has been a haven for our daily reviews. Hardworking devs uploading their games for free has kept this project going. Our last project ended up being an observation of Newgrounds as much as it was reviewing games from the site. I feel similar about this project. We’ve allowed ourselves more freedom in choice of games, or how we review them, but I can’t ignore that most of these games come from Itch. Just look at the amount of Game Jam games we’ve stumbled upon and reviewed. I can pretty accurately guess a game jam’s theme just by the games in the “Most Recent” tab. The thing about itch.io - granted you turn the adult filter off - there is an incomprehensible amount of porn games.
We happily avoided talking about this for nearly an entire year.
And then, two days ago, Sam made a choice that would alter the course of this project forever.
Sam decided it was time to pick the rusted lock holding Pandora’s box closed.
Sam had us review a (not) porn game.
Did I pick today’s game? Yes. But should I be held responsible for the hell that Sam hath unleashed?
Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, while I too was tempted by the sins of the flesh and ultimately brought to the table the cursed artifact you see before you, I contended that I should not be found guilty of the responsibility of the trauma we might cast upon the reader. I was simply following my friend into the dark void in hopes our friendship and trauma might light a way through.
That being said, holy shit ,why didn’t we do this sooner? Is this an untapped goldmine?
Alright, so you’re probably thinking “What am I looking at?”. And yeah, I agree.
Allow me to break it down for you. You shoot Nerf balls at inflatable dolls (?) with comically large and impossibly sized buttocks.
That’s it! Neat!
They have a jump animation where the giant fucking blimps on their asses jump up and down like those huge Hop Balls:
It is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. It’s hard to put into words how floaty the cheeks are - you know when you shake a plastic bag out, and as you’re bringing your hands down to fill it with air, it sort of floats down behind them. That’s the cheeks. Picture the plastic bag in your hands as those big ol’ cheeks.
The air balloons don’t attack you or pose a threat. They just jump in place so the Hindenburgs will bounce around, which makes it even stranger that the player is supposed to kill them with a Nerf blaster to progress to the other stages.
I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around who would find this “sexy” - no shame if you do, like what you like. However, the absurdity of it all had me giggling throughout - the absolutely freakish proportions, the half-inflated balloon jiggle physics. It’s all so from resembling anything human. I have a hard time finding the appeal in something that looks like it had a Balloon Buddy involved in its evolution process. I can’t seem to shake the big asses bobbing up and down from my mind. It’s haunting me. It feels more like a surreal recurring nightmare than a wet dream. I fear I’ve gazed upon something that has left a permanent scar on my memory bank.
Just remember folks, this is all Sam’s fault, not mine. He hath cast the first stone that shattered the glass house, I just threw a rock through the empty space where it used to be.
If you have any complaints you can email Sam at skeeteronthemic@gmail.com
Recommend: No
Replay Percentage Chance: zero
Time Played: 4 minutes - I didn’t even bother to make it to the boss, which undoubtedly would have had two Jupiters stapled to the rear. I didn’t feel like I needed to see that.
Sam’s Take:
Bro my gpu was working overtime to render the final boss’ jiggle physics:
Recommend: Yea, great GPU stress test
Replay Percentage Chance: 30% (chance I’m able to buy a 5090 at MSRP)
Time Played: Honestly long enough to be embarrassing
Random Review