Day 243 - Capybara Bonsai Shop
Mass Effect 3, WTF, Sam is in Ohio ·
Sam’s Take:
Capybara Bonsai Shop makes my brain melt. You press start and are presented with four options: New Game, Continue, Exit Game, and a settings wheel.
Clicking Continue, Exit, or Settings does nothing, clicking New Game takes you to this screen (after 5 to 10 seconds not responding):
Clicking that back arrow does nothing. Clicking the dirt and tree in the middle of the screen seems to lag the game, but do nothing else. The settings gear again does nothing. Pressing the checkmark does have an effect, the first tree on the wooden planks in line disappears, the other trees move forward, and the word “Disgusting!” appears on your screen:
Eventually time runs out and you lose. Because I’m in Ohio on my laptop right now, I purposefully chose a game we could play in the browser, just to minimize the amount of time I would have to spend on a laptop review while visiting family. I had to know if the downloaded version worked better though, so I gave it a shot.
The download version of Capybara Bonsai Shop does have a few improvements. Notably, the Exit button on the main menu actually quits the game, and clicking the dirt/tree on paper in the middle of the screen causes red sparks to come out of your cursor. Hey… wait a sec…
YOU CAN DRAW A RED LINE!!!!!
It turns out you are trying to trace around the green line as closely as possible. Once you are done, press the checkmark and works appear on your screen to tell you how you did (disgusting is the lowest score). Get enough good scores, and the timer/goal reset as you move on to the next level. I couldn’t get far with a trackpad, and the game was still way too laggy for how simple it was, but at least it was playable now. I was about to call it quits… but figuring this out had distracted me from the bigger picture. Now that playing the game was more clear, I realized that I hated one very specific thing about it.
Do we need the line of trees at the bottom? Do we need a capybara holding a mug? This game is literally Crazy Cutters from Mario Party, except somehow running at 5 fps. Look at that screenshot, now look at the brown circle in the middle. THAT IS YOUR ACTUAL PLAYING SPACE! 95% of the screen (and assumedly computer power) is taken up by the background. How did this get made? Why are capybaras and bonsai part of it at all? Is it SEO spam? Is it an AI game? I may have figured out how game, but the why game still eludes me.
Recommend: No
Replay Percentage Chance: 0%
Time Played: 3 Minutes
Skeeter’s Take:
The web browser version of this game didn’t work, so I had to download Capybara Bonsai Shop to get it to work. Let me just say, it was not worth the time.
There isn’t much to add to what Sam has already explained other than one major gripe I have. [EDIT: We were writing this in tandem and had assumed Sam had already figured out how to play the game, which it seems he had not. The game does not tell you how to play it. It took me forever to figure out as well] I have to acknowledge that this gripe is petty, especially when compared to the fact that the game doesn’t tell you how to play it, but attention to detail matters.
The game is called “Capybara Bonsai Shop” - who fucking cuts the roots of a Bonsai? Are you kidding me? At least have the strange shapes be carved into the actual tree!
I’m so mad.
Recommend: No
Replay Percentage Chance: 0%
Time Played: 5 Minutes
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