Day 198 - Orni Champions
Driving, REDACTED, WTF ·
Skeeter’s Take:
I did a little research for today’s game. I found this list by SurferLight from 2011 organizing what they thought were the top 10 worst flash games of all time.
Before we get to today’s game. I want to take a second at look at SurferLight’s number 10:
Sam and I reviewed Dancing Coyotes back in the Flash in the Pan project.
I want to draw your attention to one specific part of this review:
And I ask - how could anyone possibly forget the name “Chico Lorenzo”???
(I want to say this was before I knew what mixing was, but I really did know better)
Anyway, with that out of the way. Today’s game comes from the top of SurferLight’s list:
Look, this game isn’t great. I think SurferLight has a pretty correct assessment of this game. To me this doesn’t stand out amongst the flash game slop we’ve played. I would personally but Baby Killer above this game. If what SurferLight says is true about this game, and the dev actually thinks it’s good, that definitely gives it a boost.
I mean, look at this “Motorcycle”
I have no idea how I’m supposed to make sense of this thing. It looks more like a go-kart after some 10 year old ran it into the wall too many times at the local family fun center and was promptly ejected. It’s incomprehensible. I sort of love it.
Gameplay is teeth-numbingly dull. You ride on a track with two lanes. Flat tires will block one of the lanes. The player switches lanes to avoid the tires and tries to reach the end of the level.
I managed to complete level one and was met with the following victory screen:
Just want to point out the fact that there is a first, second, and third place stand on the podium despite the player only racing against flat tires and nobody else on the podium. Seems like quite the victory! I couldn’t figure out how to progress past this screen. I don’t think it’s possible. I think it’s one level. Two lanes. One biker. A ton of flat tires.
I’m sorry SurferLight, but I think you need to dig deeper. There are so many worse games than this.
Don’t get me wrong- this is a hot-stinky-not-fun-time game, but I personally don’t think it even comes close to touching some of the horrors Sam and I experienced crawling through Newgrounds back in the day.
Looking at you Big Butt Recruiter (WARNING: DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME. I THINK IT IS VILE. I AM ONLY USING IT HERE AS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW MUCH WORSE THINGS CAN GET. PLEASE DON’T GIVE THIS GAME ATTENTION. IT PROMINENTLY FEATURES RAPE AND RACISM IN A SCHOOL SETTING. I’M NOT JOKING. )
Bad? Yes. Worst flash game ever? No.
Recommend: No
Replay Percentage Chance: 0%
Time Played: 2 minutes
Sam’s Take:
This is the worst Flash game you could find?! This?!
This game is easy to understand, has music, it even has an ending! It’s not good, I don’t recommend it, but this person is definitely talking like they haven’t played a flash game every day for a year. I think it’s time for a REAL expert to come in here and make a top ten worst Flash games list.
The first one on the list isn’t Flash.
Fuck you let’s gooooo
#10. Date Ariane:
This game is hilarious and shouldn’t be on here. I just want people to play Date Ariane.
This game is uncontrollable and unknowable, and only this high on the list for having the greatest name in Flash game history.
#8. Frogon:
Frogon is the best game of all time. If you don’t believe me, please refer to the screenshot below.
#7. Bruce Leee Come Back Demo:
I’ve never taken damage in this game, but it does say “demo”.
#6. Barrier Attack:
Look at it.
#5. Palace Princess Pregnant BFFS
This and Nazi Clown (WIP) were really on the border of “do I feel comfortable even linking this on my website?”
#4. Joe’s Quest:
This is the worst music in a game and I dare you to even try and challenge me on that.
There was no work, they did not progress.
#2. Fart-O-Mat
A fart sound board, but you choose someone you don’t like to be shown on screen when there are farts.
BRO! IT’S 5 LINES FROM THE BIBLE, AND YOU COULDN’T MAKE THEM FIT IN THE BOOK?! Also why is ‘worry’ in a different tense than the other verbs? Who’s preaching on Newgrounds?!
This isn’t even the tip of the iceberg. I skipped at least ten games where you click on one button then it shows a funny picture. These were honestly just ten games with mildly funny names/screenshots, but I think the point has been made. Orni Champions as the worst Flash game of all time.
Come the fuck on dude.
YOU HAVE NOT SEEN WHAT I’VE SEEN. YOU DO NOT KNOW ME. YOU LIKE TO TAKE A LITTLE TRIP TO BAD-GAME-CITY, WELL I’VE LIVED HERE MY WHOLE GOD DAMN LIFE!
Do not FUCK with me SurferLight!
I will fill your inbox with dress-up games.
Piece of shit.
Recommend: No
Replay Percentage Chance: None
Time Played: Some
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