Day 18 - The Ratchelor

Shitpost, Dating Sim, Nudity · 18 May 2024

Skeeter Note: The sound bar starts in the above position, and after receiving permanent hearing loss from one too many Newgrounds games, this is greatly appreciated.

Skeeter’s Take:

Yep, that’s me! You’re probably wondering how I got myself into this situation. Well it all started 2 days ago when my alarm woke me up for Rat work.

Being a down-on-my-luck single rat, clawing my way ever closer to a mid-life crisis, I had applied a few months back for the new hit show on Rodent Television: The Ratchelor. 2 Days ago, when the rat-trap snap sound I had set as my phone alarm went off, I crawled out of my shredded newspaper nest. I remembered I hadn’t checked the Rat Mail in a few weeks. After I dug through some advertisements for new drip water bottles and some fancy new tread-wheels, I saw a shiny golden envelope that smelled vaguely of artificial cheese. I opened with haste, to find that I had been selected. I was going to be the Ratchelor.

I made my way down to the movie studio and into the hole in the wall near the green screen where they shoot all the new Marvel movies. I had made it. I was going to be a Hollyrat star. The production had no time to waste (I guess they had sent the letter weeks ago and had almost given up and gone with a different choice for Ratchelor). They took my photo and made me pick from the list of eligible contestants:

So many contestants! All competing to win my heart! I was overwhelmed with choices, but felt honored I even had the luxury to make a choice. Perhaps I really could find my true love here.

I picked 7 contestants, of which a couple stood out to me more than the others.

My Dad always told me to find a real rat to love. “Not like your Feline-Loving Mother! A REAL rat. Someone who’s going to stick with you, even if you gain 4 pounds sucking back mini-brews with the boys! It’s my life, dammit! I only get 5 or 6 years on this Rat King damn planet, if I want to drink I’m going to drink!” He never really was the same after the divorce. Plus, this rat’s name was ARealRat - it had to have been a sign.

Gerott was coming out the gate swinging - he was saying all the right things early. Yes, Gerott. I do like cheese. I really like cheese.

The show was about to begin - the cameras were set, I was sat down on a nice red couch to have some courting sessions with my eligible contestants. Then… “ACTION”

Gerott didn’t disappoint. He had a purpose for being on the show and he had a passion he was looking to share:

Not to say there weren’t some other strong contenders - Largathon seemed to know the importance of pre-planning and I love a rat who is well prepared!

And apparently ARealRat was the star of The Great Rat Detective - WOW!

After a tough Round 1 - it was time to say goodbye to some Rats that, while lovely, I didn’t feel the spark with:

Round 2:

I found out that ARealRat wasn’t the star of The Great Rat Detective. Disappointing. Rather he starred as Avenger from Avengers! WOW!

Largathon had more helpful insight about always bringing a map with you. Thanks Largathon.

But Gerrot… I was starting to get a little worried about Gerrot - I was beginning to think that his love for cheese might come between any real connection and bond we could form.

Again, I had to make the tough choice of who to let go:

By this time, I had found my groove, and the other contestants had found theirs! The next few rounds went by fairly quickly as I had grown to know my fellow suitors and could kind of predict how they would chat during our dates. Largathon would give some good cautionary advice (always appreciated), ARealRat would brag about something else amazing they had accomplished or gone through in life. His mom even saved him from a mousetrap one time - he lost his tail, but it grew back! I didn’t even know rats could do that! He must really be Avenger. And Gerott… Gerott would talk about how much he loves cheese.

Here’s the quick results of those rounds:

Round 3:

Round 4:

It was down to just two contestants pining after my love. Gerott and ARealRat. Some STRONG moves would have to be put on me in this next round. The contestants didn’t hold back.

ARealRat decided now, in the final round of the Ratchelor, that was the perfect time to come clean about the LIES they had been telling me. I felt betrayed. I didn’t care what their secret was, I just knew that they had one, and they weren’t willing to share it with me from the start. Who was the rat I had fallen ear over paw for? It certainly wasn’t the rat I was talking to in these rounds. It was some fantasy rat created by ARealRat to try to get closer to me. Was it for money? Fame? I don’t know. But I was crushed.

But Gerott. Bless Gerott’s heart. Gerott and I had bonded over our love for cheese. At first, I was worried Gerrot would never love me as much as he loves cheese, but during our time together we both grew. Gerott grew to love me more than cheese, and I grew to love Gerott. (AND HE WASN’T A FILTHY DIRTY LIAR).